Exhibit A:
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Exhibit B:
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Idiocy Meter
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Asshole Meter
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Yes, we’re still around, but we kept that last post up front and center for a couple weeks because it was not only well-written but also insightful. I’ve also been inundated with a slew of weddings, the most recent being up north in Sonoma. My wife and I naturally took this opportunity to road trip and enjoy 7 hours each way of conversation without the kids yelling in the backseat and blasting a playlist that alternates “Let It Go” and “Everything Is Awesome!” on endless repeat (thank you, grandparents!). It’s amazing how rejuvenating being together with your spouse for a weekend can be when your kids aren’t there. Walking down the street and simply holding hands is a much cherished novelty these days, and this time away inevitably makes us better (and happier) parents. Freedom from the plant life in L.A. was also a great respite, especially since I’ve recently been told by my allergist that I’m allergic to basically every single type of tree, grass, or weed in Southern California. Lovely. Needless to say, hanging out with friends and walking around lush trees and majestic redwoods in cool weather at higher elevations while squeezing in visits to two wineries was exactly what we needed this past weekend.
However, I would be remiss to not point out also how nice it was to get away from the asinine drivers in Los Angeles. Yes, you have your speeding, California-Cutting assholes up north, but they are not nearly as abundant as the heat-stroked jackasses of Los Angeles. Imagine driving in rush hour where drivers both signaled and respected others who signaled, didn’t tailgate, and actually understood the concept of passing and merging. Also, these drivers understood that rush hour means traffic! Well, I’ll be damned, what a revelation for the so many impatient, frustrated, dickheads and bitches here who often makes congestion worse by succumbing to a potent cocktail of their selfishness and lack of impulse control. Over the years, we have consistently found this to be the case whenever we’ve ventured north, whether it be San Jose, San Francisco, Oakland, wine country, etc. In fact, the difference between driving habits is so palpable that you can viscerally feel the difference when you start to approach Los Angeles around the Grapevine on I-5.
The above photos of the native balding, middle-aged jackass in a BMW (license plate 4GXN) is an example of the typical road sludge you encounter in L.A. County that is thankfully a rarity in many other parts of the state. This toolbag was erratically and aggressively bumper-humping and cutting off drivers while traveling south on the 405 in relatively light post-morning rush hour traffic. Even if you were a considerate, defensive driver who followed the rule of “slower traffic keep right”, that wouldn’t matter to this arrogant fu*kwad as you can clearly see in Exhibits A and B. His only saving grace was that he was signaling, albeit briefly, for each asinine lane change. Again, that’s better than nothing, but it’s also probably something I subjectively give more credit to given that I’m used to such aggressive driving coupled with signaling after growing up in New York. Regardless, this guy clearly had to be somewhere fast (maybe the potty?) as he was literally fiending for the Sunset exit for a good two miles, even riding on the shoulder of the freeway a few times to try to catch a glimpse of his exit. Dude, it’s an off-ramp, not Kate Upton that’s just down the road. Seriously, don’t so many people profess to live in L.A. because it’s laid back and a great place to chill? Clearly not Mr. Propecia, who continued his erratic behavior west on Sunset until he turned off at Barrington Pl.